Even though I’ve been trying to deny and put it off.
I know it’s happening because the light coming through curtains in the morning is the same light.
And the quails and lizards are cavorting again, scurrying to an fro.
I know it’s impending because the warm nights are silent and still, holding the space for us the way they did before.
And the Mexican Bird of Paradise and Palo Verdes are blooming again; celebrating and welcoming.
The candles flicker and sway to the same dance. The bath water swirls around my belly and I rest my hands upon it and breathe slowly.
The moon rises with grandeur as if curtsying to the cosmos.
Mostly I know it because my bones are singing; every cell vibrating on the highest frequency possible; my muscles expanding and contracting with wise body memory.
In nine more days it will be one year.
One year. One revolution around the Sun. 525,600 minutes compressed into a tiny speck in my brain and an infinite fold in my heart. How is it that this juxtaposition exists: you were always here and yet have barely been here…
Oh Lyric, the desert, She knows. She is waiting and has been calling to me for months…reminding. Her warmer weather has come upon us so gently and casually and I am grateful for her knowing that She needs to go easy on me this year.
ONE is so hard for me. Raw and broken up; tiny seeds spilled upon the soil, just like my tears.
ONE still seems like there is gestating happening. ONE is unsure a bit. ONE is not ready to let go of a full cycle, a returning, a spiraling song of bittersweet and unsung beauty stuck on repeat.
ONE begs to slow down.
ONE is a flash, a bolt of lightning illuminating the outlines of cactus and bats and mountains.
ONE has roots that she is not ready to loosen.
ONE remembers the magic of your head in my hands – under water – as your body still remained in mine. Threshold not yet crossed; waiting; releasing.
ONE is the longest and purest exhale imaginable.
Lyric, you and your four-toothed smile have brought me to the deepest wells of Love. There aren’t many words tonight for it. I just wanted to tell you that, in nine days, I will celebrate and remember and smile. And cry. And cling. You’ll remember our duet from that day; how birth-song erupted from my throat like a desert monsoon. We simply cannot help it: we belong.
We belong to the light
We belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words
We’ve both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace
For worse or for better
We belong, we belong
We belong together