I’ve hit the “sweet spot” of this pregnancy.
I am enjoying most every moment of it. Breathing it in. Cradling my unborn baby with love. Sheltering. Laying in bed a little longer, cozy. Slipping into the bath at night and shedding my skin. Preparing. Letting go of expectations. Releasing.
I am lucky, I know, in that I love being pregnant. Healthy, easy pregnancies are the Universe’s gift to me and I unwrap them methodically. Savoring.
How is it that I can not have even birthed this sweet soul and yet feel so deeply that I am not “done” with my cycle of fertility and nourishing and birth and being guided by my children? I cannot allow myself to believe that this may be my last pregnancy. ” Of course it isn’t”, my heart resounds. And so I trust it and let tension loosen and Be. RIGHT HERE. With “Big Rock Candy Mountain” music by Lisa Loeb. Because Candy Mountain sounds yummy.
Especially when you’ve hit the sweet spot.
I rest my hand on your head, this bump near my ribs, and imagine how fuzzy and smooth it will be in my bare hands come May or June. 1000 kisses are waiting for you on the day you are born to me. Your knobby elbows and knees move fluidly in my belly as if the space is simply perfect for you, stretched out prior by your sisters and their sitting bums. In the mornings, you lay on one side of my womb, the ones I’ve been resting on. I roll over onto my back and you slowly reposition, stretching and welcoming the desert sun.
You suck your thumb alot and dang, that mushes my heart into pudding.
Here I am, baby. Ready to be resilient for you. Preparing to open wide the jaws of birth, unhinging but trusting that I always have enough. I always am enough. Because you FILL me.
Ready to overflow with the source of everything.
Hushing the voices that say “But….”
I am a Yes.
Ready for a sea blue and amber brown pair of eyes to sparkle at the sight of you.
I love you, tiny one.
Come. Only when you are ready.
And so it seems fitting that the Pandora playing in the background ends this post on the song “Family Tree” by Frances England. Here are the lyrics to this sweet tune:
Last night while everyone was asleep
I looked out my window, up through the trees
The sky was so big and covered in stars
I knew a baby brother or sister soon would be ours
Hey Ho, our family of three
Is growing beyond my mommy, daddy, and me
Hey Ho, just how will it be
When we add another branch to our family tree
I’ll be the protector, so strong and wise
I’ll be the cheerleader always by his side
This cute, little baby will soon enough see
No one could love him any more or better than me
I’ll teach him all the things I’ve learned along the way
I’ll help him blow out the candles on his first birthday
We’ll grow up together, side by side
Take care of one another – full of love, full of pride