Innards

15 minute writing spew.   Spoken word style.  No edits.  Raw.

Show me yours, since I’ve shown you mine.

Unite.

rock it

————————————————————————

So

it’s like this

the words they jumble together in my heart

mashed like rouge puzzle pieces

and nighttime keeps them locked

with the bedtime rituals

and the never-finished dinners

and a body too exhausted to exhale fully

and daytime keeps them tied down

with the bum wiping ordeals

and the wicked hair-pulling girl fights

and the attempt to keep up with dishes

Finally the dungeon of letters

is opened

(sometimes because I force it)

and they

S   P   I   L   L

o   u   t

across the keyboard

wtf does that say?

i don’t remember that one

oh, there you are!

dude, i’d hoped to never see the likes of you again

killing me loudly with their song

shamelessly

because that’s what words are

because that’s what they have to be

to break us open

and entangle us so that

we can remember the

freedom in

u   n   r   a   v  e   l   i   n   g

so that hands can revel

in caressing ourselves for

the first time, again

so that our truth

is not ashamed

to be

clumsy

or wrong

or off-key

or brimming with

words like

grief

fuck

rage

gratification

apology

lost

ecstatic

hopeless

brazen

my words are a woman

grasping the reins of her sexuality

for the very

first

time

and

r   i   d   i   n   g

and a man bent over

his tears as he begs

to be held

just

once

and

s   a   f   e   l   y

my words run for refuge

afraid of their own

P   O   W   E   R

afraid to actually

be wholly

power  —–>   less

less than what?

in a world that’s less than

let us be

more than

greater than

simpler than

S   C  R   E   W

living loud and bold

sometimes the greater than

life is

our authentic life

the settled-in life

the one that would

rather be quiet

and small

and large in our tininess

a seed upon the land

the first spot of rain

on the dying grandmother’s window

the spark of heat in the brush

of hand against hand

the mother’s first

whisper into the

cove of a blood-smeared ear

a child’s instinct to

fear

no

more

my words crawl across the

sizzling pavement

as I put one foot

in front of

the other

and realize later

that only

one has

s   t   u   c   k

to the bottom

of my sole

(soul)

and holy cow

it just so happens

to be

the one that

on my tongue

melts like

butter

and

so

it’s like this

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6 thoughts on “Innards

  1. You inspire me to try…

    Blurred, bleary eyed, tired
    Sore, stiff, confused
    How does one day melt away so swiftly
    Flitting in and out of time
    And then again it is gone
    Like a living thing instead of a day
    A bird taking flight
    Dishes washed
    One child in need of washing
    Sound asleep
    How can I wake her?
    When I know she will cry.
    Is a bath all that important?
    Aren’t we all entitled to a few nights
    Crawling into bed
    To slip beneath the covers and not care what filth
    We carry onto clean sheets…
    So peaceful and yet
    She fell asleep so early will she sleep the night
    Normally she will and yet…
    And yet it is when I think I understand her she proves me wrong.
    One husband, one truck,
    One desperate need to get out of town.
    Until it is fixed we cannot go
    But it doesn’t look broken
    It runs, it drives but then something strange at random occurs
    It shakes and shimmies
    Bucking alive no wonder we can’t go
    Just one man who feels he must carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.
    And one truck that just won’t show it’s hidden secret that holds us prisoner.
    Drifting thoughts…
    Time shifts again
    Grass…
    My enemy my friend
    Growing where I don’t want it,
    Not growing where I want it…
    It rises up determined to grown between vegetables and fruit trees
    But won’t grow solid across a path the dogs wear into the earth…
    Grass cut down
    Money spent to try to stop it’s growth…
    A blessing but a guilt…
    The man at Lowe’s rang it up wrong,
    Twenty dollars saved…
    How come I want to go back there and tell him his mistake?
    Might not even work.
    How many wasted dollars on things that didn’t work,
    Justified? No… but afraid to claim my own strength.
    Plants being watered
    I sit at the computer
    Surely these words are not that important
    And yet they are freedom
    A chance to breath in the night
    Sigh out the day and say goodbye
    I watch her sleep
    Butt up in the air
    I watch him water
    Tired and puzzled
    I wonder both simultaneously how I can be so lucky
    And what was I thinking to get into this mess?
    I wonder again how it can be 10:40…
    And I finish because I was inspired
    But only to 15 minutes…

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