I Saw Her

I saw her
In the knitted cream wool hat that framed her gleaming, pondering face
As the Pyrex bowls waited patiently, balancing in a stack underneath the cabinets
Through the glints of snow as I breathed in her mountain, her apples trees, her vacated patio set
When the colored prayer flags, strung across the eave, rocked in the breeze

I saw her
Across the room at the holiday party, pink leather knee-high boots and a mini skirt
As she sipped fine red wine and talked of its tannins and dryness and body
With tears in her eyes and blood almost boiling, but still with an open heart that whispered “Please”
In the handmade artwork adorning her walls, dappled with glue and watercolors from little fingers

I saw her
With the first steaming sip of her special cocoa made from scratch, healing drink for the soul
As she stirred the melting beeswax and scooped out an aged vanilla bean with purple-painted fingernails
Yawning and just awakened, still wearing her leather cuffs, dangly earrings, and necklaces from the night prior
Mingled in with the vinyl on the bookshelf and the one drifting beats inside the space each morning

I saw her
Glistening in the jewels hung from the swanky red crystal chandelier in her kitchen, picked up at a thrift store
Peering out of the organized baskets of laundry, toys, makeup, food – like giant petri dishes of her mamalife
Splayed out on the wood floors at sunset, nursing her smallest against the raspberry sofa
As I napped in her bed and felt where her body carves space between her babies and her lover

I saw her
In the swatches of turquoise paint in her bathroom, thinking thinking thinking
In the ordinary, the tiny nook between alive and resigned, the i-don’t-give-a-shit
In the sparkle of Z’s eyes, the mischief in M’s, and the tenderness of S’s
In the way she told me, with great enthusiasm, how she loves to fold laundry (and so indulged on her birthday)

I saw her
And words cannot capture her spirit
And her impossible fashion sense
And so moments do
These moments
When I slide into the nook between
Alive and resigned
It is awareness
And this is when
I saw her

*For MB on the (late) occasion of her Solstice Birthday


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