If you have a newborn you are trying to nurse down for a much-needed nap, your toddler will decide that, indeed, that precise moment is the one in which she will tear away from the task that has kept her entertained for half and hour and run naked into the room where you are nursing, babbling loud enough for elderly neighbors to hear through the wall. She will then proceed to drag in that annoying dog treat jar that Daddy got down from a dark, high shelf (i.e. hidden by Mama) that screams the lyrics and music to “Who Let the Dogs Out” and “Hound Dog” when you open the lid. She will continue to open and close the lid furiously in order to alternate between annoying said songs. Baby at the breast will flail and flinch and flutter open her eyes in response to the clanging and insanely loud robotic singing of dog jar.
Then, the toddler will climb on the bed in an attempt to log-roll her body onto yours. When you quietly remind her that the baby is trying to sleep, she will melt down into a screaming fit, asking you to come read a book right now, mama and will begin to claw her way towards the groggy-nursing baby. In an attempt to extricate this ticking grenade from the room, you will even go as far as to say “Oh honey, go into the living room and mama will come put on the Wiggles for you in a minute”. You will then remember that a lovely, smart mama friend just sent you something that may function as an even better bribe : “Wait, go in the living room, sit in your favorite black chair, get a blue binky, and mama will come put on Dan Zanes video for you in a minute!” . It is important that you provide all of these details, in an effort to stall her even longer.
When she whines ferociously for “juuuuuuuuice” you will then attempt another distraction technique and proclaim with excitement from your supine position on the bed, beneath the covers, “Yes! Juice! Okay! Go get your sippy cup and bring it into mama“. This should buy you a least a minute, seeing as though sippy cups usually have a way of lodging themselves into hard to reach places. But alas, your toddler keeps tabs on these sorts of things lately. And before you know it, an empty sippy cup will be prompted delivered between two chubby hands and silently nuzzled perfectly between your neck and a nursing baby.
Oh, the things I took for granted when my newborn was an “only”.
“Cause what you see you might night get
And we can bet you don’t get souped yet
You’re scheming on a thing that’s a mirage
I’m trying to tell you now it’s a sabotage”
– Courtesy of my Beastie Girl