Notebook Rants 9.20.07

Are you aware of the smell of “home”? I am. It returns with me like souvenirs on my clothes; my wardrobe carrying scents of love-filled memories. At my childhood home where my Dad still resides, the smell of home is tawny cigar smoke mixed with the open-air aroma of cedar trees. The smell of my other home, where my Mama runs the show, is one of crisp, line-dried laundry. Hidden within each wrinkle is sunshine. Upon returning from visits, I purposely procrastinate washing one piece of my wardrobe for as long as I can so that the smell of home remains with me in the vastness of this desert domain. This reminds me of the practice many girls in high school or college had of wearing their boyfriends’ old, ratty t-shirts to bed.

As I napped with Indi last week, I dreamed of the cobalt blue skies and silk-screened clouds of Indiana. My soul traveled in this dream and was as serene as a midnight hoot owl perched on a branch. I vividly recall the smell, the smell, the lovely smell. When I awoke, I was mystified at how the aroma of the dream – of home – remained with me in the space of my bedroom. Drinking in the palatable energy, I lay still with Indi. And then it slowly occurred to me that I was wearing a shirt my Mama had laundered before I left just days prior. And on it remained the smell of home.


Tuesday I began my first day of “working out” in an attempt to shed the 20 lbs still leftover from Indi’s 9 month hibernation in my belly. My badass mama-friend K met me at the gym and functioned as my pseudo-trainer, adjusting the treadmill and doling out instructions for sit-ups and push-ups. I followed along, huffing and puffing and complaining about my lack of upper body strength. Her sets consisted of 25 push ups. Mine consisted of 10. Somehow, my arms manage to do a fine job of dually toting a toddler and an infant, but when faced with supporting my entire body weight – repeatedly – then yes, their performance is rather dismal.

At minute 18 on the treadmill, I repeated a labor mantra I used during Indi’s birth (borrowed from Jeanette) “Breathe in peace, breathe out tension”. I told myself that I could do this for one more minute. And one more minute. And one more minute. Just like labor. Until minute 30 arrived and I stepped down, sweaty and dizzy. But I’d made it.

We met this morning for a morning stride around the winding paths of the country club. She led, pushing a double jogging stroller with her two kids inside. I swear her ass didn’t jiggle a bit. Behind her, I drug my 20-lb-heavier-than-normal body with a 12 lb or so baby attached in the Moby. And I pushed Kaia in a stroller. Halfway through our jaunt, I commented how I deserved a few special points for lugging around 32 extra pounds than she. It was like being 6 months pregnant again. And in case you were wondering, I can assure you that I had some serious ass-jigglage going on.


I am so sick of the debates about breastfeeding in public; tired of defending the biological process in which a child receives sustenance. I am so done with reading and hearing uneducated, fear-based, misogynic remarks. Mostly I am exasperated by the dumbasses who make illogical comparisons such as peeing, pooping, masturbating, or having sex in public. It’s natural”, they say all puffed up with pride and mockery “just like breastfeeding. But I don’t do that in public!” or “As a man, you wouldn’t be okay with me ‘whipping it out’ in a restaurant, would you?” <insert fist-pumping WOOT WOOT!>

And I want to say to him – to all of them: Indeed, if IT was the way you were magically able to feed and nourish your child then by all means, YES I’d let you whip it out. Of course”.

And there’s the ridiculous assumption that breast milk is akin to any other bodily fluid and “we don’t wanna have to see that/be exposed to that while we are eating”! Because, oops, I suppose you’ve never noticed that the very act of EATING involves a whole lot of bodily fluid, namely saliva. You dopes. And so far I’ve not heard anyone say they must limit their saliva production and exposure while enjoying their French fries and imported beer.  Nevermind the fact that you gladly ingest the similar bodily fluid of… a cow.

And oh yeah, that’ right…that “gross bodily fluid” you don’t want to deal with just so happens to be what my body produces to feed my child. Right. Because I’m sure it’s toxic and tastes utterly awful and, by the way, can’t you see how I have to totally force this gross bodily fluid down my baby’s throat? Must be some bad shit in there.

And I just.cannot.go.there anymore with the whole “just cover up, just be discreet” demands. Because I forgot that the waitresses at Hooters not only advertise wildly for Her Holiness the Boobs but display more of her skin – with ease and welcoming glances – than many a nursing mama. Just don’t you dare attach a starving baby to one of them, because then…well then, HH the Boobs morph into dual function machines right before your eyes and Oh the humanity! We can’t handle the dichotomy, we can’t fathom they these falsely labeled sex objects may indeed have had an initial, primal, biological function capable of sustaining masses of human beings!

Yes, I am grateful that we have laws protecting our “right” to breastfeed in public. Yet, I am strangely resentful and angry that we even have to go as far as to develop such a law (since when does eating in public have to be defined as a right, anyways? It’s a GIVEN, a no-brainer, a shouldn’t-even-have-to-be-discussed type of thing). And here I am discussing it, yet again.

All I can say is if anyone were to give me hell while nursing in public, I’d just offer the following warning: “Stand back, these things can release an amazingly far-reaching spray of ‘biological hazard’. And I have damn good aim.”


8 Comments Add yours

  1. congrats on your workout. i should get into some habit like that myself. apparently lifting/chasing after babies/kids regularly doesn’t count as exercise (per my doctor). blah. :oP

    i so hear ya on the breastfeeding thing. it’s so frustrating that it’s not just accepted in our culture. i mean seriously WTF?

    LOL about your good aim. i’ve been shocked sometimes at how far i can squirt too. 😉

    btw, i awarded you over on my blog. chk it out.


  2. Leah says:


    I love it! It’s even funnier written than spoken.

    Congrats on moving your body in an exercisey way. Good luck!

  3. Housefairy says:

    I think you are right about the breastfeeding, I really do. The whole thing is now just getting tedious and lame. All the analogies to pee and poop and sex–why not just call it what it is, EATING? the babies are EATING.

    You inspire me with your attitude and your blog and your writing!


  4. You go on the working out. I walked around the block twice the other day and thought I would pass out. I think I’ll save the exercising for another year (lifetime?).

    And the breastfeeding. You know, I am so not an activist. Not because I don’t believe. Not because I don’t get mad and indignant. But because I find it to totally overwhelming. I’m not able to formulate complete sentences. It’s like my brain just crumples into a ball of useless garbage (or maybe that’s just a side effect of having a kid?). All I know is that every woman has the right to breastfeed her child — anytime, anywhere. And anyone who thinks otherwise is ignorant. There’s just no other way to put it.

  5. Aimee says:

    Way to go on the workout! I like your mantra, I may need to try that when I’m doing my upward dog for the nth time and to keep myself focused.

    As for your comments on BF, I agree with you on everything you wrote. My son is 6 months old and has lived almost solely on breastmilk. He is so healthy and strong. How could anyone say anything to against that?

  6. Kelly says:

    You get ’em girl!! I have so many thoughts running through my head about the breast feeding, I don’t know where to start!! I didn’t realize it was still so controversial.

    Neonatologists are strongly recommending it for premature babies. They are pushing hard for mom’s that aren’t/weren’t planning to breast feed to do it at least while they are in the NICU, IT IS THE BEST THING FOR THEM!!!

    And maybe if they were breastfed themselves, their IQs would be high enough to comprehend the whole breastfeeding thing…even in public.

    Leigh, I am glad my sons were able to see you breastfeed. I still chuckle to myself when I think of the expression on Ry’s face when he realized what was going on, but if they learn the naturalness of it, then they won’t be one of those idiots making the dumb comments.

    You could also tell them “Here is something else that shouldn’t be done in public…” and then give them the one finger wave!!!

  7. Isabel says:

    I shall have to remember your work out mantra. It is so true in labor, in life. we get all freaked out when we tell ourselves we have to do the whole thing all at once. Not so, just this one contraction, this one minute on the treadmill. Brilliant.

    As for the breastfeeding issue. We live in a rather peculiar culture, don’t we? May you feed proud, wherever and however you want. It really is there problem and they will simply have to find ways to adjust.

  8. mb says:

    we’ve talked about this…but it’s so fucking lame, right? there should not even be a fight for the right to breastfed. with words taken from The Man, Just Do It. Or don’t and shut up about it. Don’t look at me at I won’t squirt you.:-)

    Your ass jiggling is hot. You look amazing. You are a mama full of love.

    thank you for your insights. they mean so much to us.


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