Womb Notes

Below are my last few letters written to baby #2. Our little one continues to be active, waking me at almost precisely 4:00 each morning. Jason has had two dreams since my last letter in which he meets his son. I, on the other hand, am still totally enthralled in the mystery of whether we’ll be catching a son or a daughter into our hands in June. At the time of this posting, I have only about 9 more weeks to go. Utterly amazing.

April 10, 2007 (30 weeks)

Dear Baby Love,


At today’s prenatal appointment, you were estimated to weigh in at 3.5 or 4 lbs. I cannot believe you are growing so strongly and wonderfully. Or, you may surprise us and Mama may just be gaining a bunch of good weight for you to thrive and sustain on. Just check out the belly right here, shown in the classic headless, all-torso image:

Last night, your Daddy and I both dreamed you were preparing for your birth. In my dream, I had early surges and thought you could be joining us soon. My surges eventually dissipated and I realized that it was just a false alarm. I am glad you decided to “cook” longer!

Daddy woke up and said “I dreamed the baby was coming early”. Daddy says that even in his dream he kept counting “April, May, June…baby, you can’t come yet, you need to stay, this is too early…”. He also dreamed you were laying transverse, sideways across Mama’s belly and that your little tiny foot could be seen through my skin. In his dream, your Daddy would tickle your foot and you would pull it back, playing with him. How cool that your Daddy got to interact with you in this way!

This morning, as I lay in bed, I felt as if you were indeed transverse. Suddenly, my belly felt different and your body was so firm and easy to feel. At today’s prenatal appointment, we confirmed you were in a sort of transverse position (ROT), although not side lying. What’s very interesting is that I’ve been focusing on some mantras and positions to help encourage you to move from what I believe was your comfy, cozy, breech position to a head down position. “Baby…head down, chin tucked, facing mama’s back”. Over and over I repeat this. Last night, I submerged myself in the warm water of the bathtub and mediated with you. I sent you peace, surrender, trust, and warm light. I closed my eyes and slowly moved my hands underwater. Suddenly, I felt an immense and incredible energy radiating out of my hands as I moved closer to my belly. At that same time, it’s as if energy from my womb – from you – was radiating out into the water. I slowly moved my hands up and down my belly in the water – without touching my belly, just an inch away – and moved my hands from where I believe your head was all the way down to my yoni. At the same time, I was sending you positive energy to “turn, turn, turn head down” and that I trusted your choice, whatever it may be. I could literally feel you moving along with the energy of my hands, turning slightly and following my movements. It was amazing.

And at this appointment today, it was confirmed. You did indeed move to head down. Wow. You are powerful, my love, so powerful and divine and perfect in every way. I am awed and humbled and so grateful to be able to connect and communicate with you. May this relationship continue…always.

I love you,

Mama

The Birthing Dance – Judie C. Rall

Come to me, My Child
Secret longing of my inner heart
Breath of spirit
Wandering the cosmos
Choosing your next lifepath
Seeking sanctuary in my wonb
Visions of you stir my dreams
Your gentle essence drifting inward
Merging into matter
Coming into consciousness
Birthing into being
Your tender wisdom speaks
The ancient knowledge of a mother’s power
Our bodies grow together
Two as one
Turning round, in birthing dance
You lead me
Opening the circle corridor
Descending into unhindered ecstasy
Into my arms

April 3, 2007 (29 weeks)

Baby love,

I think of you so much. I spend most of my days with my hand on your body, right where your head likes to be. To touch you in this way and cradle you soothes me and comforts me.

At my appointment a week ago, your heartbeat whooshed like the ocean waves. You were “sitting” (in a breech position) as you have been for the longest time. I know, if it’s right for you, you will turn and bring your head down. For now, enjoy your comfy position. I assure you I will not worry, as I have learned my lesson from your sister’s sacred birth.

You have grown so much since last month and I can feel every ounce, little baby. We estimate you are at least 2.5 lbs if not 3 lbs! Could you be a whopper of a baby, outweighing your tiny sister who was not even 7 lbs at birth? We shall wait anxiously and see. And if you are nice and chubby, I will kiss your cheeks and thighs and tummy every single day. Multiple times.

I feel like you are so similar to your sister. You physically feel the same in my belly, have very like movements and similar awake/sleeping patterns. Your positioning often makes the right side of my belly quite lopsided and it makes both me and your Daddy laugh. You wake me up right around 4 am every single night. I don’t even have to look at the clock! I get up to go the bathroom and you are moving away, turning and partying. Sometimes, you move so much that it’s hard for me to relax and go back to sleep. Your sister was the same, so very much on time with her schedule. So much so that she was born on her due date.

If you are born on your due date of June 20 then it will be one day before the summer solstice. Your daddy and I think it would be rather special for you to come on the solstice…what do you think? Again, I trust you to make your entrance at the precise moment that you choose. It will unfold as it should, beautifully and magically.

I think I’ve gained about 28 lbs with you and I’m loving it. I feel every bit of it, my belly getting heavier each day. I have to rest a lot or I get worn out. But I love my body and the way you make me feel and look. You have stretched my skin so tight and I think it’s beautiful. Every day in the shower, I rub a yummy smelling sea salt scrub on my belly and I think of it as a little massage for you. The veins in my belly are blue and prominent and I sometimes marvel at them in the mirror – envisioning the way they are carrying life blood to you, pumping that blood ferociously back and forth, connecting us. I haven’t had any signs of the “linea negra” yet, which I believe I already had with Kaia. I miss that wonderful, dark line on my belly. My thighs have grown closer, starting to rub together, and I’ll admit that’s a little rough on me. It’s just that my body has fluctuated and changed SO much over the course of the last 3 years, that sometimes I barely recognize it.

Most of my close friends believe you to be a girl, only 1 or 2 think a boy. I still have no idea, my love. None. And we have not a single name for you. But I am not worried in the least. You will choose and we will listen…

You are sleeping as I type this. Your sister sometimes kisses my belly when I say “Kiss the baby!”. She is going to be over the moon when you arrive. You will love her sweet, energetic, tender spirit. You may both share the same sign of Cancer, too. Wow, won’t that be interesting??!!

Baby, only 11 more weeks to go. I want to savor these weeks. Now that I’m not working anymore, I have more time to focus on both you and your sister. It’s such a lovely thing, I am so grateful for the abundance in my life. Your Daddy loves you already and last night rubbed my belly, listened to your noises, and kissed you tenderly.

I love you, too.

Mama

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10 thoughts on “Womb Notes

  1. I read these beautiful letters and it makes me yearn for another baby… it won’t happen because my life is already overflowing… but you’ve captured the joy and mystery and beauty of it all so perfectly.

  2. i can’t wait for you!!!!! well, i can, but i am so excited i can hardly take it!!!! boy, girl…who cares!!!! (remember: the fact that I say a girl must mean a boy because I am NEVER right) it’s another leigh and jason baby and i feel blessed to be part of these magical lives. i mean it. really, really, I feel blessed. can’t wait to kiss that tummy soon…

    yum.
    love.
    marybeth

  3. I’ve been thinking BOY for a while now. MB is right though, it doesn’t matter. This baby is going to be perfect, just like you are my sister.
    Love to you!

  4. Gorgeous roundness! You look beautiful and I hope you’re feeling well. I love your ‘head down, head down’ story. Amazing. I can’t believe you’re thirty weeks already.. I’m so excited for you and can’t wait to “meet” this new soul.. virtually at least.

    I hope you’re in a blissed-out space being at home, transitioning from mama-of-one to mama-of-two.. space for heart and breathing and peace to stretch and grow. And the odd bit of colouring on the TV screen while you’re couch-plastered.. that happens too, doesn’t it? 🙂

    Cheers and good vibes to you, gorgeous gestating mama!
    kate

  5. hooray for belly pics! you look so beautiful! 🙂
    i’m so happy that the babe has turned head down. and i can’t believe you only have 9 weeks or so left. i’m so excited for your upcoming beautiful, amazing birth.

  6. I just wanted to say that it’s very lovely the way you think about and speak to your baby…I loved to talk this way to my baby, I miss having that with her.

    You have a lovely belly!

    xo-Erin, Birdies Mama
    p.s. thank you for your kind comment to me on SOAM.

  7. Beautiful goddess belly! I am 29 weeks pg and you describe what I am feeling so perfectly (though much more eloquently than I can express)…
    wishing you an amazing, perfect pregnancy and birth…

  8. Okay, I was reading the first letter (29 weeks), and when I got to “Most of my close friends believe you to be a girl …” I shook my head and was like, “Wait a minute! She was talking to a boy!” And it dawned on me that for the whole first part of that letter, I envisioned you talking to a baby boy, without even consciously realizing it.

    Your story of the baby turning was so powerful. The connection we have with our babes in utero is just incredible. I know you were trying hard not to worry, but it must still be a relief for him (there! I did it again!) to be head down.

    And you look absolutely lovely, of course.

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