How to Destroy a Living Room in 1 Day

When your husband walks in the door from a hard day’s work and says “Un-be-lieve-able” you know your housekeeping skills have completely gone to crap. When your response is “Oh, well YOU try and take care of a baby and work from home and keep the house clean” you know your relationship skills are on their way to craptown too. Lucky for us, it was only a momentary meltdown on my part and now that the babes are in dreamland (yep, hubby too), I have some minutes to relax, surf the web, and blog. All better!
So let me paint of picture of my living room floor area for you. I’ll spare you the gory details of the current state of the kitchen.

  • One highchair, covered with spilled and hardening goo from bowl of rice cereal mixed with peas that my dog managed to overturn after I’d left it unattended.
  • One bowl flung onto carpet, spoon 5 feet away, once filled with rice cereal mixed with peas.
  • Partially emptied, opened diaper bag, now stained with overflow of spilled goo from said highchair incident.
  • 3 baby blankets (that double as changing pads and play mats), each in various states of “wadded up” and sprinkled with a delicious combination of teething biscuit crumbs, rice cereal flakes, Cheerios, and pet hair.
  • 13 primary colored plastic (“PCP” as Jeanette says) baby toys in random order as if shot across the room from a baby toy cannon. Cannon is nowhere to be found.
  • One baby bouncy seat positioned strategically in front of the TV and atop one of wadded up baby blankets.
  • One tube of diaper creme being squished under the leg of above bouncy seat.
  • One unopened fax machine in box from last night’s Wal-Mart trip, complete with large roll of architectural drawings and landscaping book balanced on top.
  • Three untouched plastic Wal-Mart bags still filled with purchased items from last night’s Wal-Mart trip.
  • Three dirty, crusty bibs, each in different locations. (**Note: I’ve had to revised this number 3 times as each time I scan the room I have found another bib!)
  • One pair of flannel plaid baby pants purchased at last night’s Wal-Mart trip.
  • One baby wash cloth, printed with the word “Sunday”.
  • Two dirty diapers sporting half-assed attempt at being neatly and tightly wrapped up to contain pee and poo.
  • One unused diaper utilized as momentary distraction technique during previous diaper changing.
  • Torn apart package of baby tights.
  • Seven wipes – unable to tell from current seat on sofa as to whether they are used or not.
  • Black leather laptop bag purchased during last night’s Wal-Mart trip (yah, high quality I’m sure) , laying on it’s side and temporarily being used as alternate diaper bag.
  • Black canvas laptop bag, laying on it’s side, stuffed with work things.
  • Two chenille hand puppets, which look as if they jumped to their death from their partially emptied, goo-encrusted diaper bag home.
  • One pair of brown, pointy toe, stiletto heels removed in an hurry while carrying crying, snotty babe in arms from the car.
  • One pair of black, pointy toe, stiletto heels removed in a leisurely fashion upon return from Wal-Mart trip with sleeping babe in carseat.
  • One white, baby tee shirt peeled from just awaken babe in preparation for donning of cute party outfit for an office shin-dig.
  • Two dirty towels used to dry wet babe fresh from a bath this morning.
  • One flyer/magazine read while waiting for waitress to take our order at Denny’s last night.
  • Official, wipeable diaper changing pad.
  • Bottle of “Little Noses” saline solution used to clear up snotty noses; used as another toy used to keep baby busy while changing a diaper or while waiting for waitress to take order at Denny’s.
  • Shreds of cardboard and plastic from box of Goldfish that dog stole from kitchen counter and subsequently devoured during last night’s Denny’s/Wal-Mart outing.
  • Lone flip-flop thrown on with pajamas for quick dash to mailbox yesterday morning.
  • One piece of dog food.
  • Hanging from leather chair in living room: dirty pair of lavender baby pajamas (inside out), recycled paper stuffing from newly purchased laptop bag.
  • Sitting on top of glass coffee table… basket filled with: diapers, lotion, pair of baby nail clippers, never-used container of anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, comb, and bathwash.

Well, my scan of the ghastly living room is complete…and with spot-on timing, both of my babes have awaken! Time to keep livin’….


One Comment Add yours

  1. Anonymous says:

    Un-be-lieve-able!!! sounds just like moms house, minus the assorted baby items but still containing all the essential mess required to be a Ritchie-Hatfield-Steele disaster area. Luv Bo

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